Who I Want To Be

 After watching Awkward 302.10 "Who I Want To Be" I realized I should try answering that question for myself. I want to be a good friend, wife, and mom. I want to love myself and be proud. I think I have the pride thing down. Whoops... I want to be content and in the moment. I want to be the best person I can be.

After watching three seasons of Awkward I can see how I may be best off not being in education. I relate a little well to Val. A little to inappropriate while being true to herself. I have been thinking recently about the irony of me having always dreamed of being a instructor/counselor who helped people learn about the joy of horses and animals in general. I wanted to help save lost souls by introducing them to furry souls who give you exactly what you need. I was told no I shouldn't just try to be a farm hand and work with fox hunters. I wasn't up for it. I never thought of going to school to be a business woman and trying to find a farm to help run. I was told I could become an equine lawyer, nutritionist, or various other things that just didn't seem right. I wanted to teach people and help kids. I love working with teenagers, so I became a agriculture teacher. Only I didn't for five years after I graduated. Then, when I finally did my health started falling apart, I was in a horrible situation, and I had to quit before the end of the year. Three and half years later I'm working on starting my own riding lesson business.

It wasn't until I was speaking to my counselor though, that I realized why starting a riding business was hitting my funny bone. She told me, "Erin, you're teaching people how to ride like you do. You're teaching them how to have fun and love horses." There was an implied, you aren't letting them get caught up in doing everything right. I realized I'm actually getting to do my dream job of hippo-therapy.  I don't have to have any certifications because I'm not actually giving counseling or teaching physical therapy. However, I inadvertently am teaching people how to enjoy life, enjoy horses, and let go of their problems, while working on basic body strengthening. I readily tell people they might want to seek how physical therapy and recommend my therapist. I will readily recommend someone seek out a counselor if I think they need one, but the time with the horse does it naturally. Basic riding exercises that a lot of horse people find helpful may help you become stronger and have better posture. I'm only addressing their riding and recommending common exercises they can find on the internet. If they tell me they tried them and it hurt then I'll let them know they need to stop and seek help from a professional. I was so worried about what niche I fit into I didn't realize I didn't need a niche. 

Back to the original thought at hand though. Who do I want to be? I want to be content and supportive to my friends and family. I want to ride horses and teach others the joy of animals. I can do that. I can do that even with my chronic illnesses. I want to help guide people to a better place where they can be content. I don't know of a better way then by leading by example and showing them all my mess. Its not perfect, but its not about being perfect. Its about showing up and trying.